Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Top Ten: Things Lee Students Want for Christmas

If you asked the students of Lee University to compile a Christmas list of all the things they'd like Santa to give their college this December 25, we bet you'd find the following items in the top ten.


Is there anything you'd add to this list? If so, leave a comment. Well, without any further ado, the top ten things Lee students want for Christmas:

10. A golf cart for every student.

Seriously. Faculty and staff zoom around on those carts like its part of their job. If everyone's complaining about so few parking spots, why not include the cost of a new golf cart in every student's tuition. They take up much less space when parked, and students could sell them back to the school at graduation. If not a golf cart, then perhaps a Segway Human Transporter would work. Sure there's the trolley, but it only runs during prime hours on school days and if you miss it, you miss it. A golf cart for every student? That's the true meaning of "no one left behind."

9. Free cross cultural trips.

$60,000 may not be an expensive amount for college tuition now days, but it surely isn't cheap. Requiring cross cultural trips that can cost several thousand dollars in addition to tuition can be a bit of a burden. Unexpected costs really do pile up, and a cross cultural trip can make up a big chunk of that. Yes, there are cheaper options, but Lee is known among higher education institutions for these trips. Why not go one step further?

8. Elevators in the Conn Center.

It's a humongous room, but as Lee's student population continues to rise, the Conn Center seems to get smaller each semester. With seats filled on the mezzanine level, there's usually no choice but to climb to the balcony. And it seriously can be a climb for some students. I wouldn't be surprised if chapel ushers start handing out pickets, camming devices and cord locks to prepare students for the ascent. Even if the balcony was never created for handicapped access, installing elevator shafts isn't a bad idea. So what do you say? Help those freshmen keep all fifteen.

7. Cheaper textbooks.

Don't get us wrong, we really enjoy paying close to $600 for textbooks every semester, but it's just not feasible for us to do it anymore. Since the economy turned sour and the pockets of every Lee student are about as empty at the Conn Center on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, it just doesn't seem right anymore to pay that much for textbooks. As one Lee professor stated recently, the publishers of the textbooks are pressuring the authors of these books to put out new editions to stay in print, even when the new editions have little or no more important information. Honestly, truthfully, most Lee classes could use textbooks from ten years back and still learn the same amount, if not more. When students expend all of their spending money for the semester on textbooks in one day, something's wrong.

6. Rollover meals.

There are students who wouldn't be in college if it wasn't for the meal plan. Learning? Nah. Making lifetime friends? Yeah, right. Three delicious all-you-can-eat meals every day of the week? Sign me up, give me every scholarship you've got, I'm going to college! You see, food can be quite the impetus on a campus like Lee University, and as much as students enjoy 10, 15, or even 21 meals a week, tears start rolling down their cheeks when they find out that the breakfast they missed yesterday will never return. After all, the meal plan barely gets some french fries and a drink at the PCSU food court. If students were able to utilize the meal they missed out on the day before by adding an chicken sandwich to their order, wouldn't that be helpful? That and removing the two-hour wait between using those meals.

5. A football team.

"Lee Football: Undefeated since 1918" read the t-shirts popularized by Redemption Shirts, a start-up initiated by two enterprising Lee students. Well, Lee students want to see a defeat of Lee's football team by any other college team out there. Sure, it's argued that starting a football team at Lee would cost more than anyone's willing to pay and that real talent wouldn't show up for years, possibly decades. But let's forget that. There's plenty of land craving a football stadium on Lee's campus. Simply demolishing the PCSU and digging up Alumni Park should provide enough space. And as for players? Take them from Lee's rugby teams. You don't really think they're practicing to play rugby, do you? They're too hard-core for that.

4. An indoor pool.

If Bob Jones College can have a swimming pool, why can't Lee? What's to stop the student population from hiring a few helicopters to transplant the Centenary building and uncover that dusty old pool legend claims is lurking beneath? A glass-encased swimming pool dome connected to the Higginbotham Administration Building? Why, there's nothing better. And that whole mixed bathing thing... Why can't faculty and students share the pool? Lee could even save money on filling it with water by pumping in a few thousand gallons from the underground lake beneath the Conn Center. It's all definitely plausible.

3. Shorter lines at Jazzman's Cafe.

Chapel has concluded and the race is on. Usually those students standing at the exits with cards in hand during the benediction all have one thing in mind: Jazzman's deliciousness. Ever watch them sprint from the Conn Center lobby to the outside door of Jazzman's, only to realize it's still locked while they witness 20 other students being let in from the other side. It's a cruel dog-eat-dog world. Ever wonder why that is? It's because of the sickeningly long lines that seem to form at the campus coffee shop every Sunday evening and sometimes throughout the week. I've mentioned it before, Jazzman's needs to either create an express line or solve the problem some other way, preferably soon.

2. More parking on campus.

It's been a gripe for decades. Even though local churches offer more than enough parking space in their expansive lots, it's still not as close to the center of campus as students would like. You can count on it once a year, always in the middle of "Ask the President Chapel," one student with the same question: Why can't Lee build a parking garage? One president with the same answer: Higher tuition anyone? I propose we answer the question once and for all with a simple poll of the entire student body: Ocoee Street Park, or Ocoee Street Parking Lot? Most students couldn't even tell you where Lee's Ocoee Street Park is, mostly because they never use it. There's space there to provide more parking than all of the spots behind the Conn Center and Sharp-Davis. The only catch? That's probably the land Lee will use to build a School of Communication and the Arts one day, connected directly to the Dixon Center.

1. Faster wireless Internet completely across campus.

It's the one thing all Lee students have at the crest of their Christmas list. As any good admissions counselor will note, there's a handful of dormitories and academic buildings that have Wi-Fi access for students and faculty, but that handful only accounts for 16 locations. That's less than half of the locations on campus that should have wireless. Eighteen locations, ten of them residential, are currently without Wi-Fi. Check out the map below to see which locations on campus lack wireless:

1 comment:

themediasoldier said...

This list could easily be confused with the "10 reasons Lee sucks" article I have been meaning to post.